


Two into Three

by Doctorinblue



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, First Meetings, M/M, first-time-september
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-10 02:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20520605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doctorinblue/pseuds/Doctorinblue
Summary: Hawkeye finally makes it to BJ and it's time meet Peg in person





	Two into Three

"She loves you, Hawkeye," BJ says, hand rubbing Hawkeye's back in the cover of night.

Now, after months of planning and discussing and agreeing the decision to come here seems hasty. Hawkeye's hands are shaking and his mouth is dry and as much as he loves Peg of paper, in theory, they've never actually met. What if BJ's painted a nicer image of him, one where he didn't drink entirely too much during the war and wake up entirely too sober now that it's ended. 

He exhales slowly, and everything inside is calling retreat. A coward through and through, him  
.  
"It's late, Beej," Hawkeye mutters and stares at the perfect front door of what Hawkeye just knows is the perfect little house for BJ's perfect little family.

But where does that leave Hawkeye?

"We can wait," BJ says after a moment, his hand stilling on Hawkeye's back. "I can get us a hotel room."

He doesn't miss the 'us' and it's a drop of hope in an ocean of disbelief.

He needs one night, just one more night that BJ is his and his alone. He's willing to share and he's known what he signed up for from that first letter, that first time he'd stumbled off course and found himself inside BJ's heart. But he's just scared enough and selfish enough to need to hear his name from BJ's lips one more time, in case things don't work out, in case he's packing his suitcase and running home.

Hawkeye glances at BJ and thinks of the phone calls and the letters. He clings to the 'I love yous' and the way BJ's hand is still warm and solid against his back. He's confused and tired and he can't quite believe he's actually here with BJ, that BJ kept his word - that he kept him.

"She's in bed," BJ says again. "No pressure, just sleep."

Sleep is the last thing on his mind, but he manages to nod. BJ opens up the door, and they step inside. It smells of cookies and flowers and Hawkeye's eyes dart around. The living room is small with a lamp lit on a corner table. There are toys on the floor and when Hawkeye thinks of Erin the world wobbles. BJ wraps his hand over Hawkeye's and leads him to the spare bedroom. He releases Hawkeye's hand to turn on the light and it takes all of Hawkeye's courage not to reach for him, to step into the room alone.

BJ moves to fuss with the bed, smoothing the sheets back. Hawkeye can see the way his hands fidget in the blankets, the need to make this perfect so that it counts for something. He still knows this BJ, even if he's not sure he knows the rest of him any longer.

"Beej," Hawkeye said, settling his luggage onto the floor. "It's okay. I'm okay."

"I'll be back," BJ said, nodding and stepping away from the bed. 

"Stay with Peg," Hawkeye heard himself say, surprising them both. 

"Hawkeye-"

"You've missed enough nights, BJ," Hawkeye says. "I'll be here in the morning."

BJ glances at the door and the longing for his wife and his duty to Hawkeye seems to leave him unsure. BJ swallows roughly and Hawkeye wants to smooth away his worry. He wants to hold him close and promise everything will be okay. He'd done it during the war, but now it seems to matter if he's lying. 

"Go," Hawkeye says, unbuttoning his shirt.

BJ's tongue touches his lips, his eyes flickering from Hawkeye's fingers to his face and at least that's something. He'll accept that as proof that BJ is still interested, at least physically, and this isn't all some dream that Hawkeye will wake up from. Again.

"Down the hall, if you need anything," BJ finally says. "Anything, I mean it."

Hawkeye nods again and it feels as though he's left his vocabulary in Korea. He wants BJ to stay, needs him to stay, but can't summon up a protest as BJ leaves the room and shuts the door between them. Hawkeye's fingers fall from his buttons. Isn't that door between them exactly what this threesome is going to be? Him always just on the outside while BJ loves his wife into eternity. As far as he knows, three only worked when it was just the two of them.

He changes and washes his face clean from the trip and the worry and the last couple of years. The bed is soft and cool and Hawkeye closes his eyes and tries to block out the past.  
He's rarely successful and tonight isn't the exception. Suddenly, he's much too hot. He's in another bed, in another place, and all he can feel and smell is the Swamp. Henry. Trapper. Radar. They are his world, their smiles, the hopes and dreams they hung on Hawkeye like a Christmas Tree... he remembers them all, and he's not sure if he'll ever let himself forget.  
Hawkeye inhales and exhales and maybe one day he'll actually get it right. Maybe one day he'll fall apart without leaving any evidence but tonight he is shattering and he just wants BJ. He wants them to be back together, drinking and laughing. Them against the world, them against the tide. But BJ's in another room and Hawkeye's given up drinking, so he curls tighter into himself and tries to forget even the best parts of Korea.

Hawkeye hears the door open. He jerks his head up. BJ stands in the door frame, watching him for a moment before closing the door behind him. He shuffles over to the bed, looks down at Hawkeye with gentle and knowing eyes. For just a moment, Hawkeye can believe that he's not alone in the nighttime memories, the nightmares they didn't have even in Korea. For just a moment, he lets himself believe BJ has also left part of him somewhere else and even together they might not ever get it home.

"Scoot."

"BJ?"

"You're taking the whole bed." 

Hawkeye wiggles over and BJ settles himself beside him. After a moment, he rolls up on his side and wraps his fingers over Hawkeye's hip.

Hawkeye gives in and rolls to face him. 

BJ scoots in closer and exhales. Hawkeye is frozen, unsure, an uncomfortable feeling he's always tried to ignore. 

"Hawkeye?"

"What about

"She knows exactly where I am," BJ says and his lips are on Hawkeye's before he can think that through. 

The kiss is hot and desperate and they've been apart for too long. 

He's shaking or BJ is....the bed is vibrating, but they tug at each other's clothes and when they're done BJ doesn't run back to his wife. He brings Hawkeye in closer, strokes his hand over his face and Hawkeye listens to his heartbeat steadily in his ear.

"She loves you, Hawk," BJ says again, pulling Hawkeye from his almost sleep. "I love you."

It's not the first time that BJ has said it, not even since they've been back, but somehow it feels real and final. It feels like a promise that Hawkeye can carry to the grave. 

He curls his fingers over BJ's bare hip and breathes in slowly. 

"I love you, too," he says. 

BJ continues to stroke his thumb over Hawkeye's cheek until Hawkeye gives in to sleep.


End file.
